Relationships and Your Elements

Relationships and Your Elements

Five Element system can help you understand relationship compatibility and how our Element personalities interact with each other.

We all have the Five Elements in us for our whole system to work correctly, though everyone has a dominant Element in their Five Element Personality make up. see page – 

To put it simply, there are Elements that naturally get along well together and Elements that can tend to conflict and push each other’s buttons. If you can understand the dynamics of each other’s Elements it can help you have a smoother happier life and understand why a person reacts the way they do. Or make you realise why you need avoid, distance or protect yourself from a relationship with a particular person.

The dynamics between the Elements can often explain the subtle feelings that we can feel but not explain.

In the Five Element System, this interplay between the elements falls into one of four dynamics: generating, controlling, overacting, and insulting.

The generating cycle, or the Sheng Cycle as its name implies, is a relationship of support between elements. Where these Elements tend to naturally get on well and nurture each other. The transition of the season mostly explains this model, each element relates to a season.

Each Element nurtures or generates the next on the Sheng cycle. Water nurtures Wood, Wood nurtures Fire, Fire nurtures Earth, Earth nurtures Metal, Metal nurtures Water.

The Controlling Cycle or Ke Cycle is meant to keep things in balance and contained, but can lead to imbalance if the elements over exert their controlling force on the other. 

The controlling cycle and looks like this: Water controls Fire, Fire controls Metal, Metal controls Wood, Wood controls Earth, Earth controls Water. When one element is overacting on another can be seen as suppressing or destroying. Water can control but also exterminate a Fire, Fire can mould but also melt Metal, Metal can cut and chisel Wood and also tear it to shreds, Wood in the form of a tree can help with soil erosion but can also break through the soil or earth to grow and Earth can contain or contaminate Water.

You can also flip the direction of the Control Cycle around and you get the insulting cycle. If an element is overly strong and dominant, it can insult the element that is trying to control it. The Fire insults Water, Water insults Earth, Earth insults Wood, Wood insults Metal, Metal insults Fire.

The Generating Cycle and the Controlling Cycle represent balance and harmony between the elements. The Overacting and the Insulting Cycles, represent imbalance and disharmony.

Based on these dynamics, we can gain insight into how relationships between people of certain elements can either get on well or conflict.

For example, if a person is a strong Metal personality, let’s say such intense attention to detail that they’d be called anal-retentive, they might over control a Wood personality type, who wants to be creative and move things forward quickly . It’s a subtle energy, not always something that we can place our finger on.

Another example is that Earth generates or supports Metal. As a result, a Metal personality type will naturally enjoy having an Earth type around them. Though they may not be able to articulate the reason why one is comfortable and the other is not. Yet it can be explained in the Five Elements.

This can be helpful in relationships, it is not in labelling one person as good or bad. But instead to gain insight into another person in order to feel compassion for their actions that we may find difficult to understand, or to be more objective when you may have taken something personally.

If you’re wondering about a certain relationship in your life, and whether you are compatible. First identify the dominant elements within each of you. If you both fall into the generating cycle, then wonderful! If not, then do not worry. You could be in a healthily balanced control cycle. Think of an opposites attract kind of balancing act that can be supportive.

If you feel like you’re in one of the conflict cycles. Be mindful of the ways you two could tend to fall out of balance with one of you overacting on or insulting the other, undertstanding your elements may be helpful. 

To help understand your relationships with the Five Element System. Read through the Five Element Personalities

Consider how personality, values, fears, weaknesses, and strengths could make you feel supported, balanced, challenged in a good way, or overwhelmed by being controlled, demeaned, or triggered.

Think about how you can love, appreciate, or forgive any traits of theirs that you don’t share or understand.

Ask yourself how you could better express yourself and your needs, values, or desires to your partner. Consider if you could better hold your own boundaries for yourself.

Consider how you can support each other.

The five elements are a wonderful way to gain a deeper understanding of ourselves, our loved ones, and our relationships. They can illuminate our strengths, weaknesses, challenges, and triggers in an empowering way, which can help us to make our relationships even more nurturing and supportive.

Happy and healthy relationships are possible between all of the elements. Relationships are one of the best areas for self-exploration and self-growth, and within these challenges and conflicts and can be a new journey to self-discovery and growth.

I hope this insightful way of looking at relationships is a help, especially in COVID 19 times when spending intense amount of time together. Any questions please do get in-touch contact Hannah on:

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